True Forgiveness

One thing Jesus taught his disciples about very carefully was forgiveness. It is very clear from the Bible that God has connected divine forgiveness to our willingness to forgive others. We as the children of God are expected to be merciful, as God is merciful and forgive those who wrong us. Only in this way can there be peace and right relationships between people be maintained. Still the disciples did not understand. Peter asked Jesus If another member of the church sins against me, how many times should I forgive, as many as seven times? Jesus answer made it clear that there were no limitations on mercy, either God's or ours.

But there are more questions, serious questions that arise when we think about forgiveness. The easy answers that have been passed on by many Christians, like forgive and forget, are almost an insult when someone has been seriously hurt. What is God's will regarding forgiveness in these tough situations? Let's look at Joseph's story in Genesis to gain some understanding.

First of all don't forgive too quickly, but get on with your life. Joseph's whole life was trashed when his brother's sold him into slavery. He did not focus on the wrongs done to him instead he did his best to find a new life for himself even in slavery. Holding on to anger and hate hurts you more than it hurt the one you are angry with.

Look for solid evidence of change in the person's life before you even think about reestablishing the relationship. There is a difference between forgiveness and reestablishing a problematic relationship. Forgiveness at its most basic level is the injured party giving their right for vengeance into the hands of God and allowing God to be the judge.

Joseph didn't run out looking for his brothers even when he was able. When they do finally appear in his life again after many years he doesn't just embrace his brothers and invite them back into his life. Instead, before he even lets them know who he is, he tests them up not just once, but also a number of times. He needs to know his brothers still the same people that dropped him into that hole and sold him into slavery. By involving his younger brother Benjamin Joseph is able to tell if they will still betray one of their own people in order to avoid trouble themselves. Only after all of this testing does he finally identify himself.

Forgiveness is difficult business. It involves not only the integrity of the forgiven but that of the one forgiving as well. Many Christians just assume they will be forgiven, after all isn't our God merciful and abounding in steadfast love? While this is true God is not foolish nor does God forgive those who treat the gift with contempt. Jesus made this abundantly clear. No one is obligated to deal with someone who does not take his or her own forgiveness or misdeeds seriously. Paul put it this way: Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow. Galatians 6:7.